Fake Richard Peddie Diary

<please note - the quality of this thread isn't half as good as Ensco's Anselmi Diary, but perhaps it is better than nothing - I will keep it up for a few days, if there is any interest...>

The Fake Richard Peddie Diary - Early Evening, October 16, 2010


Shit. Can’t a guy enjoy a night off? Here I am, just about to head out to opening night at the Opera with the wife, when Max my valet goes fucking missing. Where the hell is my clip on-bow tie - and where the HELL IS MAX! I'm really looking forward to dinner tonight after this Death in Venice opera thing... Nothing I enjoy more than priming Larry, Jim, Hugh, Louis and the rest of the boys with the upbeat Raptor ticket revenue numbers and I can toss in that the Leafs are 3 and fucking Oh ! Three and FUCKIN OH. I know those teacher pension bean counters don't care how the teams do, as long as they make their numbers, but THREE AND FUCKIN OH!!


Now I remember, it is Saturday - why did I ever agree that Max could have a half day off each week? Next thing you know, Max will be joining a manservant union, or something. That reminds me, I should bring my overcoat tonight - I saw Max put on a scarf when he went out today... Where the hell is my bow tie...?


Man, things are going so well - the teachers board was estatic the other day when I gave them Tommy A's 2011 Toronto FC numbers - 30% revenue hike! - Nobody could fuckin believe it - but I convinced them! The board promised me tickets to a Seattle Sounders game if I can meet those numbers - I can hardly wait to meet Drew Carey! He is such a funny guy, but what the fuck does he know about running a football club? Not only that, but their team colors are GREEN - what idiots, that might remind the fans of corporate greed - no way I ever want to see green shirts and jerseys in any of my venues... I will have to make a note to give Drew a little advice on that one... I hope the caviar is good tonight - that caviar crap they served at the teacher's board meeting the other day tasted like dog poop - somebody should tell 'em...


Ah, here is my tie (clip), I wonder why Max wrapped my tie up in green cloth? THREE AND FUCKIN OH!!


I must remember to ask Tommy A. how the second half of the football season is going... nobody ever tells me what is going on...

I lol'd :D

2am on Sunday, October 17th...


What a great night - that opera thing the wife dragged me to was a lot better than I expected - the guy who played Gustav von Aschenbach could really belt it out! It was magnificent when he got to the part where he put on that red Dichio scarf and sang Dichio, Dichio, Dichio, Diiiichiiiooo - wow - that was uplifting... The caviar was great and I got a chance to talk all night about the great numbers all of our sports teams are going to pull in, in the next couple of years. Ah, life is good!


The only small downside to the whole evening was the drive home... The traffic delays were endless and every time James my chauffeur managed to get the limo up to speed we would hit a series of deep fuckin potholes that bounced us around the limo like popcorn in a popper! I slipped James a Loonie tonight because he was so smartly dressed - that bright green tie he had on really made him look smart!


There was one other peculiar thing tonight - all the way home there was this really bad burning smell - It didn't matter which part of Toronto we were in, it smelt like the city was burning - really weird. Ah well, I can relax tomorrow and practice on my violin - I always like to play on the fiddle to relax...


The only other thing of note tonight was that I had to send the limo out to a tavern in the seedy part of town near BMO field to pick up Max my valet. Apparently he fell in with a bad crowd and had a little to much to drink. Usually he can hold his beer, but tonight he was right out of it - he came stumbling in, practically incoherent and distraught - he was mumbling things like "the magic is gone", "I can't fuckin afford to renew", "there is no fuckin respect", "goddam ticket abuse" and something about a "fuckin crew" that he hates.. I couldn't make hide nor hair of it... Could he be mixed up with a loan shark? I think maybe Max is a member of a fraternity - the scarf he was wearing said something like "The Red Crest Boys", or something like that... It is nice to see he has joined a club. I hope the initiation fees are not too steep - perhaps I should slip him an extra loonie, to make sure he is getting by OK. Every self respecting businessman should be a member of at least one club.



Anyway - in the morning I will have to ask Max what the score of the hockey game was - nobody ever tells me anything - but at least I can rely on Max to tell me what goes on out in the real world... Could we be Four and Fuckin OH? I will have such sweet dreams wishing and hoping about that...

Sunday morning, August 17th


Had to dress myself this morning - Max my valet was in such a foul mood... I overheard him muttering to James the Chauffeur something about a "fucking Tommy boy" and "loosing too much money" and even having to "eat tickets". I am a little worried about Max, perhaps I should slip him a toonie so that he can start eating a little better - eating tickets? Yuch! That can't be very nutritious? I think he is also a little depressed about an investment that didn't work out ... Maybe this "Tommy boy" is his investment advisor? I hope he wasn't dealing with Tommy Madoff, Bernie's brother...


I got great news this morning - Max informed me that the Leafs won their fourth game on Friday night - Wow - Four and fuckin Oh! Too bad nobody told me earlier, I was telling Larry and the teacher pension dweebs, on Saturday night after the Opera that we were three and Oh. Oh well, the whole lot of them are more clueless than I am - I will let them know next weekend that we are four and Oh - might as well stretch out the good news as long as possible ... ;-) They don't call me the "the Pedster" for nothing....


Tom Anselmi called this afternoon - such a nice guy! He told me that not long ago, some chauffeur in a green tie dropped off Corleone's TFC windbreaker to the Front Office - it was really weird though - there was a fish wrapped inside the windbreaker... Tommy explained to me that it was a Sicilian/RPB message. It means Corelone now sleeps with the fishes... Thank God I have Tommy to figure out all this tough football stuff. It was really nice of him to phone me at home on Sunday too - just too keep me right up to date with what is going on in the organization. There is nothing I hate worse than going into the office early on a Monday afternoon and not knowing what is going on,. I like to have my information right up to the minute! That Tommy boy - he is so thoughtful! I am going to miss that Corelone guy though - nobody could dispose of bodies more efficiently that Corelone - I should have invested in quick-lime before we hired Corelone - I would have made a killing! Ha! Ha! That reminds me - the next Toronto FC game I go to, I will have to say hi to that nice boy Sam Cronin - Max says he will be one of the best in the league in a year or two - good thing we have lock on that nice boy...


Speaking of not seeing someone in a while - I have not seen Ho Mo around lately either - wait, was that guy's name Mo the Ho, or Ho Mo - damn - I will have to ask my valet Max about that and then get Tommy A. to arrange for Mo Ho to fly down to West Palm Beach to have a round of golf with me - I really should catch up with him a bit on what is happening with that Toronto FC thing... I shouldn't rely on getting all of my information through Tommy A. I better make a note to add that Glaswegian translator to the foursome and a flack who can filter Mo's blarney - oh boy, I can hardly wait for some of that Palm Beach Golf.


On a lighter note, I went out into the garden after I was done practicing on the fiddle. I wanted to breath in the scents from my rare orchid collection, but all I could smell was smoke. There must have been a fire nearby...


I gotta go now Diary - I have to find Max to fill me in on a soccer thing or two....